Nothing and everything, all at once

Starting your first blog post is a strange feeling, especially when for so long you’ve been jotting down ideas, topics and general wonderings all over the house, that you hope will someday evolve into a blog post, but that never did (so far).

For a long time, I considered using my first blog post as a means to properly introduce myself, though I’ve never been good at introductions, so again that never felt fitting. And so for now, I begin writing at a time in my business journey where actually, I’ve decided to delay the launch of the business at all, and instead focus on resting, on refining, and on rejuvenating.

And with that, I giggle at myself, because as it always seems throughout my life’s path, it’s when I decide I don’t have time, energy or the means to focus on one thing, that ethereal dreams plop themselves into physical reality in relation to the thing I just put on the back burner, much like the topic for this post – which is nothing and everything all at the same time.

Because in the momentary space of nothingness that I allowed to surround this phase of my business, in the short (very short) period I decided to surrender to the other callings that are in my life at the moment, all of a sudden my mind was filled with creative ideas that had never been there before.

I am forever fascinated yet never surprised by the body’s innate ability to communicate exactly what it needs. And when these needs are unmet, or unheard, it begins to communicate louder.

For the last 3 years, I’ve had a niggling wrist signal in my dominant hand. I ‘dealt’ with it by intermittent ‘rest’ before quickly persevering again.

And now I am met with no choice but to rest, right when I planned on launching my business.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ve spent most of my life serving others before serving myself. It’s what drew me to Ayurveda in the first place - the call to serve others. It has been an undulating current that has shaped my entire life thus far.

And throughout my time learning up until now, I have reshaped and developed many self practices that have allowed me to serve myself and others simultaneously.

However, I still have a deeply ingrained tendency to serve anyone else before myself when it comes down to it.

And now, when I’ve reached a point where I have fine tuned my offering, decided this is the path I wanted to go down to bring the calling I’ve had in to the physical, my body tells me it’s time for me. It’s time to slow. To continue fine tuning.

Being an ayurvedic cook, and moving in to ayurvedic bodywork alongside doing consultations (a new found deep love) requires me to have optimal function of my dominant hand. So isn’t in peculiar that now, worse than ever before, and during the same period that I originally dedicated to rest (but then did the opposite), my wrist calls me back to my body.

Reminds me that I did not rest. That my plan was rest. That all along, before launching my business, I would take time for me.

And so I am reminded, that first comes self, then comes the ability to heal others.

So, instead of May being the month where I launch my business, let May be the month where I launch myself in to rest and rejuvenation after the most intense 3 years of my life. And also the month, apparently, where I start writing again. Which is, again interestingly burn nor surprisingly, something I have always loved doing (writing) but stopped finding the time for. And now, all of a sudden, there is not only space for it to happen, but thoughts and feeling as to put on to paper.

And with all of this, I am bought back to the roots of why I love Ayurveda so much. Because if there’s anything it teaches us, it’s that the body speaks, and the mind follows. And as my body spoke, maybe even yelled, my mind followed, in a way that suddenly and all at once, led to complete surrender of trust in that fact that my body keeps score, and that knows this isn’t the right time. And with that surrender, came instant evolution, a deepening ad refining. A creative pop, if you will, because all of a sudden, anxiety was stripped away and replaced with excitement and expansion. And on Monday morning, not 48 hours since posting to social media about delaying the launch of my business because of a wrist signal, I awoke with a sense of relief. Relief from the pressure of launching my business, but quite literally also relief from the undeniable pain I had been in quite literally yesterday. And that is the wisdom of the body, the ultimate guidance tool when it comes to all things self healing and evolution.

I decided that it makes absolutely no sense to launch a business as we quickly approach winter, because if I applied the same theory to something to do with my body – that is, launching it in to some completely foreign territory – we could assume it may be detrimental, it may affect and alter the seasonal period meant for rejuvenation and rest. We know that in Ayurveda, autumn is used for cleansing, and winter for hibernating, incubating and resetting. And so it makes total sense to apply that in ALL areas of my life, including the launch of my business. This morning I thought to myself, why wouldn’t I wait to officially launch it in Spring? The season of growth, of new life, of the seeds that we’ve sowed coming into bloom. Why wouldn’t I spend the winter nourishing the offerings, feeding the foundations that will become the building blocks of Ayurmātā? Almost seems like a silly question when I think of it now. Because the answer is, there is absolutely no reason to launch it before then, and that’s all there is to it.

And so, here we are, at the end of my first blog post, that contained nothing and everything, all at once.